I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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