"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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