the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
