There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
