In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The ass gains better be worth it
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