the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
