I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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