Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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