WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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