Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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