so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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