I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
