What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Boobs speak an international language.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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