I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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