Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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