I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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