he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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