I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
