yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
