im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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