FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
