My pussy is not your playground.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
