Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
