The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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