I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
