if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
