i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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