...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
