Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
