She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize