well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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