Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
