I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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