What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
