K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize