If i could tip my vagina, i would.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
