she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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