dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
