if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
