When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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