6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You took a bar mat shot.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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