i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
