Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
