Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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