I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize