I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
