this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
