My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
