OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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