My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
