4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
