Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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