Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
