I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
