Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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