its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
