i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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