her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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