It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There r osticjed everywhere
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
