I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
