if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need moral support for this bender
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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