he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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