btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
