Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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