Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
