I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
