Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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