Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
