so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
