I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
COCAINE IS GR8
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
