i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
