You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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