you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize