I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
