sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
