I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
