Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
