i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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