the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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