uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
