so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
