real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
