On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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