"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize